The Fountain of Youth

Maybe it's because I'm now approaching my fourth decade at a rate of knots, but I've started noticing anti-ageing adverts everywhere I go. Billboards, bus shelters, TV and online - pro-this and anti-that, full of phenodactylamines and god only knows what else.

I'm not all that bothered by them. I'm quite interested in watching the lines start to creep over my face; they're the mark of a life well-lived and I see no reason to start being ashamed of them now, whatever Andy McDowell would have me believe.

But the ad I saw this morning really took my breath away. "Try R-," purred the just-turned-30 Twiglet on screen. "This uplifting facial treatment can make you look almost ten years younger in a matter of minutes. Results from the first use." So far so standard... but it was the next bit that caused me to nearly stab myself in the eye with my mascara brush. "Do not try and use R- at home. This acid wash treatment should only be applied by a trained professional."

Dear lord, people, acid? Really? Isn't that rather like having your face licked by one of Sigourney Weaver's aliens? Or maybe I'm just being melodramatic - perhaps washing your face in acid really is the obvious next step in denying the aging process...