Statues of Doom

This childhood 'gem' turned up over the weekend in the course of a parental house clearout. I can only assume that Steven Moffat has taken to raiding Sussex homes in search of his Dr Who storylines.

I'll admit his title was an improvement.

Statues of Doom

Martha and Julia were walking through the park. It was a warm, sunny day, and the grass was shiny green. They were going round the park because four new statues had been put up, and they wanted to see them.

A few minutes later, Martha and Julia saw the statues. They were standing around a stone pillar, with their arms by their sides. Julia suggested that they should take a closer look.

Then, when they were by the statues, something willed them to step onto the pillar. They felt themselves stiffening. The statues creaked, and joined arms.

The next time the mayor came round, he was puzzled.

"How come there are six statues today, when there were only four yesterday?"

21st November 1989

Things I learned from a London cab driver

I learned some important things from my cab driver today. I was on the way to a meeting with a colleague and we were discussing house prices when the driver chipped in.

“Ah, house prices are a sin,” he said. “But it’s no fluke you know. The government wanted us to get into debt so they made us take out mortgages that were six or seven times our salaries. It’s all part of their plan.”

“The government may have some culpability,” I said, cautiously, “but surely we as individuals are ultimately responsible for the decisions we make? If we choose to take out mortgages of 100%, don’t we have to accept the consequences?”

“That’s what they want you to think,” he said, giving me a very intense look in the rearview mirror. “But they’ve been working towards this for years. That’s why women’s lib was started, you know; no offence to you of course. The whole reason they allowed women to start work was so that they could tax them too. And now you’ve got two people working in a house, taxes have gone up, and the economy’s falling apart. Now we’re dependent on the government – we’re following in the footsteps of American policy, and you know why? Because of the politicians. They’re all part of the same group, the [B---]* group. They’re all in it – Blair, Brown, the Americans, Thatcher. It all started with Thatcher, of course – haven’t you ever wondered why they all pay her so much credit in public? Because of the [B—] group. They’re the ones who control global political policies and they’re the ones who decide the price of oil. That’s how they keep their power, you see.”

In the back of the cab things were getting a bit speechless. Unfortunately, it didn’t do us any good.

“You’ve gone very quiet on me,” he said accusingly. “You need to do research on this yourself, then you’ll understand. I found it all out on the internet, it’s all out there for anyone who wants to look for it. But they don’t think you’ll do that, so they don’t bother hiding it.”

Luckily, at this point we arrived at our destination.

I feel positively enlightened.

*eds note: I can’t remember what it’s called. Google for ‘secret rulers of the world’ if you want enlightenment; it's probably about as reliable as he was.

“First and the last of the Morgan SLRs”

This week, after two years of very hard restoration work on the part of some of the country’s top Morgan mechanics (and I’m not just saying that because they patched up Connery after Emily made me run him into a pillar) the Morgan SLR is finally making its first public appearance at the RAC Club, where it will be on display for the rest of the week.

If you've been reading this blog for a while you may remember that I’ve talked about the SLR before. Since then I’ve learned a bit more about where it came from, courtesy of dad's research. It’s one of three SLRs designed and built in the early ‘60s by Sprintzel Lawrence Racing (can you guess where the name comes from now?:). Chris Lawrence, one of the brains behind the Morgan Aero, intended the car to be a high performing sports car based on the Morgan +4, whose chassis, suspension and running gear frankly kicked the competition to the kerb.

And it was worth it, right? This is one of the earliest photos dad's been able to get his mitts on, from (we think) the car's second incarnation - no pun intended.

Of course, as is the nature of such things, the car’s first owner wrote it off almost instantly. Chris then rebuilt it after the other two had been completed – making it both the first and last SLR made. It was raced competitively by a series of its owners and in the mid 70s was painted fire engine red by Sir Aubrey Brocklebank, after it and he were singed in a fuel leak which caught fire at Silverstone!

In the late 70s the car was then exported to the US by a gentleman called Bill Fink, who raced it at Monterey and other circuits for almost 30 years.

Two years ago its current owner (my esteemed parent) brought it back to the UK and had it restored to its original condition by various fabulous people* – just in time for this year’s Morgan Motor Company Centenary.

Isn’t she lovely?

*To name names: restoration and race preparation by Brands Hatch Morgans of Borough Green, Kent; bodywork by The Historic Coachworks (formerly Rod Jolley Coachbuilding) of Lymington, Dorset, and paintwork by Panel Craft Elite of Sittingbourne, Kent :)