Juggling knives

Polyamory. I just don’t get it - for so, so many reasons.

One of my friends has recently given it up in favour of a more vanilla approach and I've been picking her brains on what attracted her to the multiple-partner lifestyle in the first place. I mean, the principle is great - if it works for you, why not - but where on earth do you find the time?

Before the Boy came along I maintained a healthy Dating Portfolio of gentlemen friends who would take me out to dinner and accompany me to the cinema and theatre when occasion demanded. I was never short of a plus one and the little black book was in quite good shape. My weeknights were busy, my weekends were full, and all was right with the world. (And yes, I do have a Rule about what constitutes a Portfolio lifestyle and what just constitutes sleeping around a lot… but that's a subject for another day.)

But none of them were relationships. None of them required more than an occasional phone call or email; they were fun, they were great company, and they didn't require maintenance, investment or, crucially, any kind of angst at all.

So how on earth do the polyamorists do it? How do they maintain two, three or four partners without going completely bonkers? Where do they find the time? The enthusiasm? The energy?

I don’t get it and I certainly couldn’t do it, even if I had the inclination. And I can't quite shake the feeling that if you're not the "primary partner", you're really just picking up someone else's sloppy seconds. Isn't that a bit squicky?