The Tyranny of Shoes!

Altruistic "anti-shoe company" MBT wants to warn us of a terrible dictatorship under which many of us suffer without even knowing it. I speak of course of the Tyranny of Shoes - those abominable creations "which conspire with hard, flat surfaces to ruin your back".

Oh noes, a shoe conspiracy!

But never fear! MBT has an alternative, a shining beacon of hope that can "protect your spine, knees and hips... (and) tone your muscles and improve posture". Thanks be to heaven, there is salvation after all!

And to an extent, they do have a bit of a point. High heels, pointy toes and wedges of all kinds can be hard to walk in. We've all seen (and been) the girl wobbling uncomfortably down the street in footwear that looked beautiful on the shelf but somehow became just a bit ridiculous once it's on your feet. It throws your posture off and damnit, it hurts.

So why on earth do we do it? Because shoes are beautiful. Shoes are colourful. Shoes are fun. Shoes can turn an outfit from at-home-casual into cocktail-bar-smart. Shoes can make jeans red-carpet proof. And maybe most importantly of all, shoes will never treacherously fail to do up because you had pizza for dinner eight nights in a row.

By failing to take this into account MBT has missed a crucial point in the fight to free us from our self-inflicted burden. For those who missed it, the point is this: no one needs ugly shoes. I'll even go so far as to say it's morally irresponsible to suggest otherwise.

Anyway, if someone really wants to make a statement with their practical-but-ugly footwear (and by statement I mean "I got dressed in the dark") they can just reach for their Uggs.

Sorry, MBT. Close, but no cigar.